This morning I felt better when I was awake, as if nothing had happened. Feeling like everything was good.
I deleted Christian's messages which were not relevant to me and so impolite.
Finally had appetite for real breakfast this morning.
But this positive situation last not long enough, an overwhelming sorrow suddenly came.
"You always know how to make yourself suffer."
The day came, the day that my only friend must had contact. Like we talked last week, today we would't meet. Somehow I felt relieved because I didn't need to face people who cared about me. I didn't want to hide but I want to hide. "Life is harsher in the special camps" I read, but I thought my life wasn't better than prisoners.
They told me to stop, stop feeling sad, and stop being thoughtful for him.
Nothing would changed so you should have stop wasting your time.
I understood what they said but I chose not to understand.
I still expected.
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